does this make me an emo douche? if it does then may it be...

this conversation went on with my invisible little friend:
"im stuck between lines, stuck between where to go, or whom to look forward to.
the one reason for me to go to pune is gone away.
what am i to do?
do i stay here in goa? do i go to dubai? how must i pass on this one year by?
well, for one, im gonna be waiting fer her to come back..
but till then what am i to do?
and what assurance do i have that she will come back to india?
what if she settles there? what if she gets a job, or what if she ends up in rajkot? what if her parents are already deciding upon getting her married and stuff (which they already seem to be doing)?
my whole life seems to hang on to her actions...
i have nothing else to do, or feel like doing...
and i in no ways want to disappoint her..."

when will this end?

(this conversation took place between me and a friend "rupin", and i felt like copying it here)

ill tell you something, this always happens to me.. whenever something does not feel right, i can sense its going to happen. . i know it sounds crappy but i tell you this is how i feel, and this is not part of any depression or any sort of that bull shit. SOMETHING BAD IS GOING TO HAPPEN, AND ITS STRONGER THAN EVER, AND ITS GOING TO HAPPEN TO SOMEONE OR SOMETHING VERY CLOSE TO ME. im weary, scared, and conscious.

i believe there's a lot of secrecy among us

things that are happening and things people are keeping from us, they're testing us ill tell you...

i wish i could smoke up, id write more..

today was the worst day of my life, and theres more to come,

i notice things.

and tend to open my mouth, but now my mouth opens only to selected people.

i know you will have lots to say when you wake up but what the fuck, im typing whats in my head..


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Now playing: Chroma Key - Another Permanent Address
via FoxyTunes

it's a little bit funny, this feeling inside...

exhausting, yes thats what life has become now...

more monotonicity, egh...

coming up... exams...

Hnykins

her face, so pale,
her beauty, so mesmerising,
her eyes, so confusing,
her hands, in mine,
i don't know why, but i,
picture her in white, the same when we unite,
white, as the whitest lily on a stream,
so illogical, yet so valiant,
she lies, to hide it inside,
i still try, but in vain,
her silhouette, against a lamp in a dark room,
burns your heart inside,
hnykins is i, pixy is she,
she threatens you, but always comes back,
is she trifling? i cannot say,
cause im lost, in those locks...
to her i can be, like the great oak tree,
waiting patiently, for we will unite,
there is no place i cannot go, my heart is heavy but does it show?
i cannot go on, i want to run,
she's got me confused...
but i hang, i hang on...

Bankruptcy

agh
am broke, once again... not a single penny, waaah

reason(s) for why i am broke,

1. trip to goa.
2. the stay in goa cost me 1000 bucks, even though i have a place of me own there, waaaaa
3. the expensive food we had, blew 1000 bucks a day for food,
4. lastly the tattoo on my left arm, the impulsive idea, agh, all of us got the tattoo in the end...

Massaging.

Yea,
ive been learning a few new techniques to massaging.
I used to massage my dad as an experiment, who knows, might turn into a profession someday, :P
Ive experimented on many friends, in school, college, they all seemed to like it.
So now ive recently been exploring the different techniques to massaging and ill try to get paid while im at it,:P.

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agh

My granparents golden jubilee or whatever its called is in february.
i have a problem, ...again..

OUR college will be hosting the annual college fest called UNIFY in
february, and ill be having my internals fer this semester in or around
that time.

ive been playing frozen throne, DOTA, these days, missed my classes too, agh this is irritating.
I have to secure 90% attendance, ...somehow.

oh yea, went to mood- i in dec, was FUN...

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